A matter of twigs...

A while ago, in the earlier days of our relationship, my boyfriend and I were in Tescos and he mentioned that he wanted to buy me some flowers.

He what???  

A completely normal, loving, traditional thing to do and yet I could not even comprehend the idea. I asked him to get me twigs instead… a nice clump of willow to go in the corner of my room. I could see the hope of there being even a trace of normality in his girlfriend fading fast in his eyes. No flowers, just twigs. At this, to his credit, he did put his foot down and we compromised that he would give me some time to get used to the idea before he presented me with even a daisy (we were going to start small!!)

This little episode disturbed me more than I let on to him at the time. Why couldn’t I, possibly the most feminine girl around, even comprehend the idea of being bought flowers? Because I didn’t feel worthy enough. I didn’t feel like I was beautiful, lovely, or worth enough to bought flowers.

I took it step at a time. Firstly, I bought myself a vase and got used to it sitting on my desk. Then gradually I allowed myself to visualise some simple pink flowers in the vase, to match my room. Then, after a few weeks, Tom did indeed give me some flowers. I religiously followed the care instructions on the label and miraculously kept them alive for a week… and whats more, I loved them. They made my room complete. And every time I looked at them, they reminded me that I was worth flowers, I was worth some beauty. I was a feminine female.

This may seem like a ridiculous tale, but it is tragically all true! Some of us do stuggle to feel worth something, some of us won’t let anyone do anything for us. But the truth of it is, we are all worth it. You don’t have to pass any test to be loved,; you just have to be prepared to accept that love and believe that you deserve it.

Start of small with the empty vase, then visualise what it would be like to have it filled. Then feel it for real. And it may just beat the twigs you would originally have opted for.

Love and warmth,

xxxxxxx