Am I Fat?

Being a blog about life after anorexia, or even life in general, you may be suprised that I have not yet mentioned weight / food / calories. It is true that anorexia is NOT about the weight or the food... is about much deeper of underlying insecurites, traumas and unhappiness. But we can't pretend its not involved, because it is. Weight and food obsessions are symptoms of the greater underlying causes.

So what to do when you're having a ''fat day''...

The first thing you need to do is ask yourself whether you are really twice the size you were yesterday... when it comes to weight being and feeling are very different things. Once you have established that you haven't grown into an elephant overnight, do some physical checks... are you on or about to have your period? have you eaten something that doesn't agree with you? are you feeling ill? All these things can make you feel as well as be physically bloated. If any of these are applicable I suggest a bath, hot water bottle, warm drink and lots of TLC!! If you still haven't found the answer, probe a little deeper... are you unhappy? Have you received some bad news? Have you been bullied? If you are feeling insecure or rubbish about yourself, it is easy, especially for girls, to instantly feel huge as it can be associated in our society-influenced minds with ugliness.

If you discover that you are feeling awful about yourself its time for a little bit of self love... you are ok, you do deserve to care for yourself, people do love you, and you are just having a bad day. Treat yourself to something, buy yourself a little treat, have a bath, listen to some nice music, call someone you know and love... all these things can make you feel better instantly and deflate the balloon you think you've become.

As a basis for all of this, if you find yourself constantly feeling fat I would take some physical action. Find out how much you weigh and whether this is healthy for a person of your gender and height. If it is healthy,carry on what you're doing and refer to the above. If its not healthy, seek some support. Go to the local nurse or pharmacist and ask for some advice. Whether its eating more, eating less, exercising more or exercising less, they are always happy to help.

If you know you are healthy you can always reason yourself out of the ''I'm fat'' belief and find out what the real matter is... so making you a much happier, confident and secure person. Another technique I find very helpful is getting to know yourself. If you know there is a certain way of looking at your body which makes you see yourself as fat, then avoid it on a bad day!! Find a way of looking at your body which you always like, and which, for you, shows you you are healthy and ok. On a bad day, only look at yourself in this angle... it will reassure you.

For example, on a ''fat day'', front on I think I look like a hot air balloon... but side on I know I'm Anna, I'm healthy, I'm ok... just bloated and grumpy.

Hope this helps!!

Love and warmth

Anna-Katharina xxx