Tarting up to see Toby

Tarting up…for who?

In the Marks and Spencer’s toilets yesterday I passed some elderly woman in front of the mirrors. One was applying some lipstick and brushing her hair, the other watching her, exclaimed ‘tarting up are you?’

‘Tarting up?! I’m not tarting up!!’ she exclaimed.

‘Yes you are’, the others joined in, ‘tarting up to see Toby!!’

Women never change. As soon as they can talk little girls beg to be dressed as fairies in beautiful dresses, before even reaching their teens girls are experimenting with a whole rainbow of lip-glosses and eye shadows, teens test how high they can wear their skirt, and women of all ages are forgoing a waitrose meal to buy the latest Clinique and Chanel. And men are forever left waiting outside toilets for the women to finish brushing their hair. Men of all ages. Women of all ages.

In our world where the media is one moment promoting beauty through beauty products, fashions and health tips, and the next minute criticising public advertising for having a negative effect on girls and causing a rise in anorexia, I ironically find myself questioning this.

Rather than blame the media for giving a negative, unrealistic view of female beauty, how about instead we accept that that is their job and ask ourselves, why is it we want to make ourselves beautiful? If you look into any eating disorder case, very few will root from a pure desire to look like the girl on the front cover of cosmo. Yes I wanted to be slim and therefore look like the girls in the magazines, but why did I want to be thin? Because my brother had died. Because I was being severely bullied. Because I felt ugly. I blamed myself, I felt like I was disgusting. I was interpreting the messages around me to mean that I was horrible.

And I, like every other girl, just wanted to be beautiful. Every girl, woman, and elderly woman wants to feel like she is beautiful, to feel it themselves, and to show the world that they are. It is an instinct we are born with. The science explains that we are born with the inbuilt duty to have children, and to do that we must attract men, and therefore we must be beautiful. But it is so, so much more than this. If a girl is not happy, if she is hurt, afraid or upset, she may feel empty. If she is feeling unloved or destroyed, she will blame her ugliness. And it is then that she will look around her for answers. The media are telling her that thin is beautiful, and so she diets.

But the real answer, the solution that will fill the void rather than cover it over, is to find the beauty from the inside. To realise that the pain you are feeling is not because you are ugly, it is because you are hurt or afraid. Every girl is beautiful. And if she feels it from the inside it will shine from the outside.  And if you are truly feeling beautiful you will be. Go and show the world. Dress yourself up, wear jewellery, and make-up; so long as it is because it is you giving yourself the care and worship you truly deserve.

If you are proud of a child or a friend, or if you simply love them, a woman responds with presents and care. So maybe the media is right. Treat yourself, because you’re worth it.

Tart up to see Toby.