Time to stay...

I remember once reading a book in which the main character (a young woman) read some advice for being with a woman in labour:
When she screams at you to go, that's when she needs you most.


I was reminded of this just now when I was having a 'bleeurrgghh' moment - I am currently having to gain a bit of weight having lost some and I have been having one of those days where the sheer volume of food feels just too much for one person... basically a 'fat' day! 


Interestingly, I wasn't wanting to be on my own and the idea of a couple of days with no lectures and my boyfriend and best friend both away is, frankly, terrifying. But then I thought, why am I so scared of my own company right now? I'm usually OK with it.


Then I realised it was because I was afraid of what I am feeling, afraid of being locked away with myself and feeling bleeurrgh - so I wanted to escape it all. When she screams at you to go, that is when she needs you most.  - when you least want to be around yourself, that is when you need your adult self most to nurture, encourage and soothe. 


Now I'm not saying company is bad - it is the most important element of human life!! But are you sometimes desperately seeking it to avoid yourself? Just ask yourself - are you happy being on your own for a day? Or is that too frightening to contemplate? If it is, then its time to sit down and start to look after yourself, and appreciate yourself.


I've done the whole weight gain before, I know how hard it is for someone with anorexia in their history... but I can't help myself by running away. I will feel a but ming for a while... but it will pass. 


Take a day just for yourself, do you even know yourself at all? Do you like what you know or are you trying to make it something different?


When she screams at you to go, that's when she needs you most,


So stay.


Love and warmth,


Anna-Katharina xxxx